I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
