I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
