Already got asked if we're dating
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
