Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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