Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
