the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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