Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she looked like the before picture.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
