I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
