I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
