I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
