i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize