imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
two words...techno handjob
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
