He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I want is dick and wine.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
