Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
