I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
