He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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