Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
