Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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