Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
