I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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