where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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