hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
