Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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