I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
