Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
