I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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