She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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