just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
