i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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