I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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