yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
