God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
