Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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