dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize