that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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