saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
