I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
