he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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