I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
where does the pee come out of this thing
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize