I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
