i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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