I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
