after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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