So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
