it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
