you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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