why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
