break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
