she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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