Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
