do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
