He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
