Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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