Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
