come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
