I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
