I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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