AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
