yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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