I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
