No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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