Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my liver is dry heaving
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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