im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
