I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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