I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
