when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize