Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
