Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
