sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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