My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
