good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
