I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
