a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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