if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
