smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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