she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
