You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
