so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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