i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
