For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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